Sunday, January 19, 2014

Blessings in the Brokenness.......

After the loss of Denis this past December we used all our referrals.  Dossier was done.  Approved for 3 and none made it home.  This loss was very difficult as you all know especially with myself.  It was right up there is a mis-carriage.  No different.   Joe and I decided to lay low and not re-do a dossier and just put ourselves back together again like Humpty Dumpty.   

The funny thing about this is I have always known even as a child I was never going to be able to have my own children.  I always grew up content with that and had a peace from God.  I never had the desire to have my own children and knew if I did it would be through adoption.  Nothing ever indicated I could not have my own children as a teen/young adult but I just always new.  When I married Joe I found out I could not.  Thankfully God had already prepared my heart so this was no shocker for me or sadness let alone disappointment for me or Joe.  

A statement that has been made by folks that do not know me or by ones that think they do is I must be a mother looking to adopt kids to fill my heart because I could not have children and I have a void.  That I am sad....NOPE!  Sorry wrong Nicole, not this one.  If you look at our three adopted children we did not go looking for any of them.  If you look at the boys we lost we did not go looking for them.  God actually brought them to us.  I jokingly blame others (friends) for how each of our children crossed our paths including the ones we lost.  None in which was I looking to fill a void or empty whole.  I have been working with teens for 20 years and Joe and I together for 15 years.  Teens are our heart and soul.  We worked with at-risk youth and housed them as well to help them with any addictions or crises going on in their life or with their family.  We still do occasionally today.  We had no intention to have our own children but just keep on doing what we were doing, go where God lead us to.  Then we became foster parents and God opened many more doors and then lead us to NHFC, an International Hosting Program and everything changed.  That is where this story began and where this blog started.  So if we were at one point foster parents why did we then go to Ukraine.....easy answer because God lead us there.  

Well I made the good mistake of opening my mouth once again and said "We are done"….no more adopting to God, Joe & my mom.  Funny thing is was like da-za-vu again because I recall doing the same darn thing right before Denis came along and after the loss of each the boys.  Except I believe I am more convincing with my "no" after each loss.  Guess not!?  The funny thing is I am not testing God, nor trying to do reverse physiology on my creator but I am very dead serious when I say these words and once again had myself and everyone convinced as they were also.  I am now finally learning after Brodie (you will read about below) coming into our lives to learn how to say things carefully like "Lord thank you for the children you have blessed us with.  We thank you for allowing us to bring Brodie into our family and we are very thankful and happy and CONTENT with our family and having the 4 children you are allowing us the privilege and blessing to raise".  :)  My car only fits 6 so there is no more room we will all fit perfectly.   It's all good!

I still sit here like I did after meeting Denis I was dam convincing with "I am done".  Mission work to Ukraine yes, no question but adoption nope were done.  God must have found that very funny & laughed at me once again.  Joe and I after returning from losing Denis were sent several teen boys information from friends & asked to go adopt them. With the loss of Denis this was not an option in our minds and we could not move fast even if we wanted to having to re-do a complete dossier again. Then an email came in from a friend, Lisa (yes I blame Lisa) about an aging out teen that caught my eye.  He was being adopted by a couple in America & they got through court with him, got cold feet about adopting a teen & never returned for him. Several folks that knew of this young man and knew him personally wrote to me telling me about him & how broken he was.  Turns out I had many connections myself of folks that new him as well.  Small world! I then was sent a photo of him.  Personally he looked like an actor and basketball player but there was one clear thing in the photo "BROKEN".  Completely broken.  
 Brodie was so exited about having a family he changed his last name to match theirs on his Internet account.  He thought they were coming back for him so he gave away all of his personal belongings & clothes left with nothing.  I was asked to basically hunt him down (yes stalk him in a good way) & interview him to advocate.  With his story although feeling broken at battered after losing Denis I did because I also could understand partially what he was going through & having the same emotions from just losing Denis.  This poor kid I was blunt & straight to the point with this young man if he wanted a family and let him know if so I would fight for him.  He said he still wanted one.  So the interview started & went on for several days.  No thought crossing our minds to adopt him.  Then Lisa, our friend that told us about him came out & said she hopes we would be the ones to adopt him.  She is sad we lost Denis but not really because she believes we are suppose to go after Brodie.   I giggled & responded something along the lines of that would take a miracle, as we are done, no more adoption.  Lisa said she would pray for us that God would make it clear.  Within 24 hours of an adamant “no” to adoption it turned to “yes” adoption.  The next morning we called Brodie to have our normal chat and get to know him more to help advocate for him and I went up to Joe's office to say good-bye to him before we left for the zoo with some friends.  I walked in and Joe said, "Your glowing"  I said, "I am not, what are you talking about".  He said, "You talked to Brodie?", I responded "Yes"  He said, "You are glowing young lady, don't you get any ideas".  HEHE!  I said, "I am not glowing and I have no ideas and now I am leaving your office, love you good-bye".  DONE DONE I thought.

I came home after a day at the zoo with our friends and they were hosting a young man from Ukraine.  I sat down and started talking to Joe and this young man because we had been spending a lot of time with him and his host family.  I told him I felt he was a match for their family.  He wanted a family and I believed they were "it".   Joe quickly changed the subject to "What do we have to do to re-do our dossier for Brodie?".  I told him and he said responded with "I will work overtime get ready to go get him".  HAH?  I felt his head and said, "You feeling ok".  He said, "I am just fine just get ready we have little time to get him out".   WHEW WE!!! HEHA!  24 hours we went from dead no to yes.  Holy cow!  Totally all GOD.  No question. 
I confronted Brodie about us being the family to adopt him, he said, “Dah” very calmly.  I said ok so is that a "Dah" like no or "Dah" like yes he yelled "Dah" at the top of his lungs like he is singing.  Which would make sense because he is a singer.  After that call doubt filled his mind.  Will they really show?  Are these people real or are they kidding me?  A couple days after talking with his "Dah" I get an email with sad faces saying "Nicole I hope you understand but I decided to stay in Ukraine.  I hope you are not upset and I cannot thank you enough for being willing to adopt me".  This was followed by more sad faces.  We responded to him that we love him no matter his decision, support him and are always there for him.  Soon as Joe and I got the text we knew fear was overtaking him.  We went back and fourth with him with it being clear he was being polite and this not being what his heart really wanted.  Sad faces still followed.  Then a friend of his that is a facilitator spoke with him I assume that night or the next day to assure him we are real, we are serious and we will show and good people.  That next morning I woke up to a text saying he is sorry and he spoke to someone that could tell him that we were real and serious and we would care for him.  He asked please will you forgive me and take me back as your son.  Will you still come for me.  Our answer "YES".  We wrote a little more then yes and he anxiously was on the other end waiting as he saw me come on the internet but was not responding fast because I was trying to make sure what I wrote translated right.  So I got a "Did you get my message will you still come for me?" Our answer again was "Yes we love you and nothing will change that and we are coming for you.".    The smile is back on his face again!
 Now that school is back in session and many kids have returned from their families from the holidays all his friends are finding out he is being adopted.  There was rumor being said to him he could not be adopted which was not true.  He wrote again worried we could not come for him.  Our adoption team was on it like a tick on a dog.  I told him in the waiting remember Mama is a bullet train and anything in my path will get run over.  I am not making any stops or taking any passengers I am coming for you.  Joe and I reassured him it was all going to be OK and we will come for him.  Brodie said, “I love you Mama and I will always wait for you".   He has showed us his desire for family & willingness to trust again by putting us down as his parents on the Internet.  This blew me away.  This was a very bold & huge move on his part to be willing to trust again & profess we are his family being a teen & after his loss of the first adoptive family.  

We are off and running!  Dossier is complete and in Ukraine!  Our fatest one yet we have tackled & only $9000.00 to raise & we are ready to move to bring Brodie home before he ages out in April.  Time is short but we know there is nothing God cannot do & we know God cannot be contained to a box.  The beauty in our eyes on this specific adoption for our family is Brodie does not know Jesus and we are praying he sees God arise to His rescue & bring him home to what he has always wanted, a family.  Our family thanks you for all your prayers and support & helping us bring home our children that have made it home & the ones that have not.  We know the Lords word does not go void nor does the love given.  He will always be glorified no matter the outcomes! 

And yes he is silly like me!

We have $9,000.00 to raise and little time!  So we have our auction for Brodie in full effect.  Please come take a peak at the auction items at:

We have Matroyshka lip gloss in large amounts to help bring Brodie home! These are adorable and in flavors of Strawberry, Grape and Vanilla. $10.00 each to help bring Brodie home!  If you would like one or more of these adorable lip glosses contact me at with how many and what flavors and I will message you back! Thank you for your support and prayers in bringing Brodie home!

TAKING DOGGIE GOURMET BROWNIE TREAT ORDERS NOW, OPEN FOR BUSINESS TO BRING BRODIE HOME: "Bonkers over Brownies" chocolate, wheat, sugar and corn free! $12.00 for a bag of doggie brownies (20 brownies) Your pooches will be lining up for more! 
Look at these happy poochie customers that have already received their Bonkers for Brownies treats!  

15" x 17" Sensory Baby/Toddler Blankets
These are Matroyshka Russian Nesting Doll & Minky sensory blankets with tags (3 tags on each side).  
Awesome baby blankets for your Ruggratt to enjoy.   Minky comes in pink or teal.  I have made a total of 8 in pink & 8 in teal.  To get a blanket please visit this link:
$25.00 Donation Each


Matroyshka Russian Nesting Doll Sensory Bean Bags! I have cracked open the closet and got my old buddy the sewing machine out to make some sensory bean bags made a minky soft material with matroyshka material and each is filled with rice, beans and poly beans to let your kiddos play with. Each has a different feel and has a soft texture. Selling sets in a group of 4 bean bags (2 teal minky and 2 pink minky) to help bring Brodie home for a $25.00 donation. Or ya know these would be great corn hole bean bags too!!! Multi purpose. I know my kids love there's!
$25.00 (set of 4)
To view the link to this item please view:


1 comment:

  1. Dewberries... I am so happy you get another chance. We adopted 2 teens from Ukraine in 2009. I haven't been keeping up on blogs the last couple of years but I'm glad I checked up on yours. I truly wish you Godspeed as you go get Brodie. I will link to you on FB to help spread the word. Blessings to you... Alan