Monday, June 17, 2013

I Am Defeated......

Today as I sit here as it seems literally everything around me is breaking.  So is my spirit in a sense.  I have been down this adoption road and I know Satan is always at my heels especially when the countdown begins....42 34 days until we leave for these precious three boys that won my heart in Ukraine that are aging out teens.  
I can reflect on all the things that went wrong and the stresses that occurred with each of our childrens adoptions.  I can sit here and think about the families I have warned this will happen and watching it unfold in their lives as they fight to get back to the children they are called to adopt.  I can sit here and know it all by heart and be as prepared as ever and yet today I am defeated.  I called my husband Joe and I could hear it in his voice as well.  Normally one of us is stronger then the other but this time we are both in the slump.  I can sit here and KNOW....KNOW for a fact this is not too BIG for Christ to bring His orphans home and He has proven that to ME by bringing home our precious Tania and Stophie in a matter of months apart by the hands and feet of Christ stepping up to help our family.  I sit here after leaving UNC hospital today to bring Tania and Stophie in for the HIV medical checks with the high possibility Stophie has kicked HIV in the butt and to the curb.  Praying my Tania's body will show it who's boss.  But results will soon come in the days ahead.  We have fought a long battle for getting them stronger since they have been home.  Then I think about the mission trip to Ukraine this past April/March and how it seemed almost impossible to imagine God would bring us at such a time with the kids HIV and all the tests that were happening and followed by a round of sickness and everything again breaking around us.  I told God we have no funds and I am exhausted but you know I will go where you lead, Lord you want me in Ukraine pave a path and supply the funds and I will be on that trip and surely God did just that.  Just like Tania and Stophies adoption we backed up and let God lead and He supplied the need.  
Again I sit here seeing in these times of defeat and despair God arise to the occasion mighty and LARGE as ever and showing His light and glory through the giving of prayer, support, financial assistance from others.  I am always so completely WOW'd and it only makes me fight harder for the children that have no voices when I take witness to this.  It is hard to believe that this has been our family at times and we are not looking in on another family.  

I think I  just needed to write this post to sit here and basically hear myself talking/typing and know once again God cannot be confined to a box as He told me when we found the NHFC property for the special needs kiddos.  I needed to write this to dust off the dirt and stand back up again.  Satan is indeed at my heels as I am seeing everything breaking around me and I know he is after most families when they are doing the will of Christ seeking after the most dear and precious things to Christ, His orphans.  I would like to say if I was a millionaire I would not be worrying.  I could bring the boys home no problem, I could travel to Ukraine anytime and do missions work with the kids, I could pay for all these freaking things breaking LOL!  But then I would not see Gods glory when He arises to the occasion and how the thought of I would never want to miss that.  It is the most amazing thing to experience and take witness to.  To feel the out pour of prayers and love for our children you have helped us bring home.  It is like being on a stage and overlooking all the faces that helped us and realize this is SO INCREDIBLY BIG and bigger then I could imagine and even fathom.  It is like a massive crowd singing praises to the Lord above only in harmonics and not instruments only voices.  IT IS SO BIG......I cannot imagine replacing the blessings of seeing all this unfold in the middle of what feels like total disarray.  As I sit here typing this I know is He asking me if my mustard seed is firmly rooted to take on these storms now and as I begin to root getting closer to those 42 34 days and short $12,000.00 $9,083.61 to bring these 3 boys home will I falter and blow from the left and then to the right verse standing firm as He asks of us Christians.  My response right now to God seed is rooted firmly and I will not sway to the left or the right, in Christ alone I am and will not be defeated.  

Folks the amount of prayers and emails coming in to encourage me when I had this low was absolutely amazing.  When I wrote this I was sitting in the chair I am in now and just felt broken, tired, defeated and felt I could not get my head above water.  As I was ending this post I was encouraged to sit back and reflect on all God has done by reading all that came to my heart as writing.  But God knew I would need more in the next couple days to come.  And that is when you all came around our family again with words of encouragement, prayers oh the prayers!  Laughter and jokes which always helps me and keeps me going.  I write this update because I want to thank you all for your prayers in this time.  My spirit has been lifted and believe it or not Satan is taking a break from us.  From the time I hit "send" on this post he has backed off us at a time we needed it most.  Oh how I am thankful and I know God hears your prayers and our family felt them.  Again this only assures me God has this and He has good plans ahead no matter the turnout.  Always a storm before the victory that is rightfully Gods.  He will be glorified and the glory will be in His name only.  
Again our family thanks you!  We are so deeply moved by the love and outpour from others.  I know Satan is just snoring at this point but I am thankful for your continued prayers, support and laughter as we move to bring the boys home!   

The Whole Armor of God Ephesians 6:10-18
A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil.  For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. 
 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm.  Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness.  For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared.   In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil.   Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.

Blessings for Obedience Deuteronomy 28:1-14
28 “If you fully obey the Lord your God and carefully keep all his commands that I am giving you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations of the world. You will experience all these blessings if you obey the Lord your God:

Your towns and your fields
    will be blessed.
Your children and your crops
    will be blessed.
The offspring of your herds and flocks
    will be blessed.
Your fruit baskets and breadboards
    will be blessed.
Wherever you go and whatever you do,
    you will be blessed.

“The Lord will conquer your enemies when they attack you. They will attack you from one direction, but they will scatter from you in seven!
“The Lord will guarantee a blessing on everything you do and will fill your storehouses with grain. The Lord your God will bless you in the land he is giving you.
“If you obey the commands of the Lord your God and walk in his ways, the Lord will establish you as his holy people as he swore he would do. 10 Then all the nations of the world will see that you are a people claimed by the Lord, and they will stand in awe of you.
11 “The Lord will give you prosperity in the land he swore to your ancestors to give you, blessing you with many children, numerous livestock, and abundant crops. 12 The Lord will send rain at the proper time from his rich treasury in the heavens and will bless all the work you do. You will lend to many nations, but you will never need to borrow from them. 13 If you listen to these commands of the Lord your God that I am giving you today, and if you carefully obey them, the Lord will make you the head and not the tail, and you will always be on top and never at the bottom. 14 You must not turn away from any of the commands I am giving you today, nor follow after other gods and worship them.


  1. Praying that the Lord will send encouragement, comfort and provision right away!