Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Saved by Grace but Greatly Fallen......

Where to begin....
When I sit here trying to figure out how to write this I drawl a blank with the sorrow I feel.  I actually think of our skateboarding ministries name FallenbutSaved.  We are greatly fallen right now but we are saved by Gods grace.  With that grace I am trusting in the Lord that he knows best even if it is and was not the outcome we had hoped for.  We knew before we came here to Ukraine for Sergiy we may very well not be returning with him.  But it was worth the gamble to us to come for him.  We new he was loyal as a lion to his friends which is a rare thing to find that worked for him to survive and worked against him to let a family into his life.  His family is the kids at his school, it is the only family he has known and you cannot fault him for that.  It has carried him all these years.

When we sat in the office after our arrival after he had been longing for us to come and he sat there not able to give us a "Yes" to come but he needed more time.  I knew right then he was not ready for this.  It has been a tug a war match since we arrived.  So many things have been thrown at us and Sergiy it is a blessing were all still standing at this point.  As mentioned before many are very personal things so I cannot go into detail for our respect for this young man and our family.  We all took each hit and tried to fight and stay up but the long and short of it was we could not let and we would not push for Sergiy to come home if it was not in his heart to be with us.  If we did we knew it would come back to bite us and he truly would not have his heart in this and he would not be happy.  So it became clear we needed to let go.  This has been like a death to me as I go through waves of emotions and grieving.  I can't even imagine how torn Sergiy is, he has never known family except through his friends.  Yesterday I found myself on the floor of a public bathroom in tears praying for God to give me peace and clarity in all this.  To see what he is trying to teach me, show me in all of this pain.  (thankfully it was a very clean bathroom and it even had a toilet and toilet seat!) Again I may never see or know why God put this young man on my heart and called us to host and prepare to adopt him, but he did.  I do not question it nor do I waiver in what I know God called us to do but I have to trust in him and not question God either but to just have faith that he is sovereign and has his reason in which I may not see now and I very well could not ever see.  I had a post a couple weeks back basically being questioned or informed that it is a bit reckless to come over here for Sergiy while still needing some funds for this trip.  And that we should have an emergency fund and yada yada.....I will say this, the Lord provided the funds at the very last minute as I trusted and knew he would.  If that lady were to ask me now knowing what I know now would I still gamble and come here for Sergiy knowing the outcome.  The answer is "Yes".  He was worth the gamble to come here in hopes to bring him home.

I ask that you continue to pray for Sergiy first and foremost.  Thankfully he knows his heavenly father but none of us can imagine what his thoughts and heart must be feeling.  I know he is torn as we are.  The idea of leaving his friends behind shattered him to the core.  Loyal as a Lion. 

Joe and I will be meeting with Pastor John this afternoon in hopes to develop a plan for him to work with the children in Sergiys orphanage to help prepare them for adoption and their families coming and the emotional journey they will go on in hopes to avoid what what we did.  To give these kids hope until their families come after hosting in hopes they do not fall into negative ways or habits or develop unhealthy relationships.  So basically they can have a spiritual counselor to guide them and keep them afloat and encourage them to hang in there. To teach them about trusting others.  To teach them English and prepare them for the America.  From the time Sergiy started to bond with us which was the last 2 days of hosting that bond was not strong enough for him by the time we came 4 weeks later to hang onto what we had.  The negative influences got to him.  He fell easily back into the crowd and distant from us.  So we want to avoid that in any possible way if we can for any other families.  So our prayer is that Pastor John will be allowed with the school's permission to start working with these soon to be adopted kids and they would be willing to let John speak into their lives and help them along the way to never give up hope.

The plan...we will be here until Friday to do New Horizon For Children interviews in a couple boarding schools then head back home to America.  I know I need to finish what I started and see this through.

In you, LORD my God, I put my trust.  -Psalm 25:1    


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